Monday was another day of exhaustion and frayed nerves. The whole sleep training thing is definitely wearing us out, and frankly this whole election situation adds extra layers of anxiety and stress.
And since I write this on one day delay, it is of course election night right now, and that exhaustion and anxiety hasn’t exactly improved.
So about Monday, I will simply say that we took a really nice walk as a family. It was a lovely evening, and it did us all really good to get out in the fresh air. It was an important moment of tranquility and togetherness.
Erin, Asta and Amelia took the lead, and had their little chat, and Henry and I sauntered behind and had little talk amongst the fellas.
It was peaceful and soothing, and as I held my son’s hand and talked about things, even in that moment I could feel the joy of that slipping away, knowing it would be swallowed in darkness and worry of the larger world.
I would like to do it the other way. When I’m worrying about things, I wish instead that I would feel those worries slipping away to give way to the tranquility of holding my son’s hand, taking one step at a time. We weren’t thinking about where we were going or what was next, we were just walking. Taking one step at a time.
This year has taken a lot from a lot of us. I won’t deny the fact that it’s taken plenty out of me. Everything has felt so overwhelming at every turn. I try so hard to see the bright side and write about it here every day. But it feels harder and harder.
I’m sure there is a zen lesson in that walk. The lesson is probably something like that I shouldn’t have to work to find the bright side. I should simply focus on each step, and the hand of those I’m holding onto, and the rest will take care of itself. For right now, I guess that is what I will try to do. One step at a time.